For those whom i care, for those whom i love...

Its been two and a half week since i post on board ship...
Starting to feel...

Empty...


Really begining to hate this place...
Felt like i've sold my soul...
Not only have it taken away my pride, my life, my game...
Now its even on the verge of taking away my love ones too...

Recently lots of my friends have been looking for me... Saying i've seems to disappear for this world...While my girlfriend is very kind enough to understand my situation, i still feel i owe her and my friends an apology...

To my dear friends,
I apologise for not keeping contact with you...
I regret not being able to keep our strings close and letting it drift away...
I'm truly sorry for not able to do anything bout it...

To my beloved girlfriend,
Though i may not be able to be there when you need me, nor am i able to do anything to make the situation better...
My promise to you remain strong as ever...
Nothing shall ever sway me away from you...
I shall continue to be a better man...
Only for you...

And people,
Till i leave this forsaken place, i may still have quite a problem keeping contact with all of you...
But believe me,
People may have forgotten Jack,
But Jack will never forget you...

My friends,
This blog is writen for all of you...



And so today's update:


Spend: 10 farecard, 4 on bread, 2 to replace my pen which my shipmate lost, and some on drinks...
Save: Quite abit on medication bill i guess...
Wallet: 14
Coins: ???
Current Bank: 324.15
Saving Bank: 4500
Saving (2): 1007

A sailor's life...

Some say that sailors are the 'Man of the man', tempered by the rough sea, they fear none...

I don't know bout other country but from what i've seen in my place so far, i'll say they're rather...

Hmmm... Can't find the word to describe it...
To feel strongly that a man should be strong and tough while outcasting the gentler ones as gays...

I'm not saying that that believe is totally wrong... Cause a man should have a certain degree of toughness in order to protect the one he loves and to basically, just be a man...
But i don't think they are the bunch of people who you would wanna look up to them as role model...

You see, there is this saying bout the people here that goes: Sons of the sea...
Sound good and reasonable but the catch come when the full sentence is told, which is:
We are the sons of the sea and fathers of many lands...

To put it short, people here could jolly well be some of the worst bunch you could ever knew...
Heavy smokers, been through the red light district of almost every country which they sailed to, couldn't care less much bout how they're love ones feel when they're away, vulgarity is their second languge and drink alcohol as if they are H2O...

And for those who are not one of the above, most likely they'll do everything to convert them which include: peer pressure, force alcohol and most commonly used, discrimination...
Which basically means, they won't accept you until you prove you're one of them...

Which i personally feel that if they want me to be anything above...
OVER MY DEAD BODY...

No hell way am i gonna lose myself just so i can fit into these bunch of barbarians...
I love myself, my sanity, my geeky and nerdy way, my computer and my games, my feminine side which allows me to understand other's feeling and most importantly i love my girlfriend...

I don't care if i'm a gay to them as long as my girlfriend likes who i am...


Beside, they say that the divorce and break up rates amoung them are ridiculously high...

I wonder why...



And so today's update:


Spend: 500 saving, 550 household allowance, 120 saving (2), 55 for auction game, 12.50 lunch, 4.80 for yesterday dinner, 50 for farecard, 8 haircut, 6.50 for passport photo and maybe a somemore not mosre than 20 for stuff that i can't remember...
Save: At least 12 for the auction game which retail price 60++
Wallet: 22
Coins: 3.05
Current Bank: 334.15
Saving Bank: 4500
Saving (2): 1007

Hot sun, no sand, rough sea... VERY rough sea...

One week out at sea... (technically its 3 day 3 night, but close enough)

The good thing is i only spent 3+ for the whole week...


The bad thing?

Let see now... Where should i start?
The ship which i'm posted to is one of the oldest ship in S'pore Navy... Still floating...
Well... If i were to describe it in one word, i'll say: STINKS...

Really... It smells... The chocked up toilet bowl, the rottening of leftover in the clogged sewage, the corrosion of the brass and metal from the salt water, the smog from the engine, and worst of all, the contaminated air in the air-conditioning which is filled with years of vomiting odour...

Speaking of vomitting, i've learnt the very hard way that i have very serious motion sickness...
After vomitting an average of 2 bags per day... i think i've lost a good 5kg or so... And when your sea sick is as bad as mine, you can't tell whether your stomach is:
hungry, stomach ache, just wanna vomit or all of the above...
By the 2nd day, all thats coming out are plain juice mix of water and stomach acid... Lying down helps... ALOT... But the only problem is, how long do you think you can stay down there before someone drags you up...

The ship rocks harder than heavy metal... When its moving, it rocks back and fore, like a mix between the roller coaster and the pirate ship, just damn freaking longer... When is stops, it rolls side to side, which makes walking more difficult than on ice... And if your thinking moving in slower speed helps, there's the smog from the engine which you gotta deal wtih...

Sigh... i've never been so grateful to be able to walk on flat stable ground, able to eat without worring the spoon may go up my nose, able the sleep without fearing of vomitting when i wake up, able to shit without worrying the shit may end up in my face...


All hope is not lost i guess...
Though there's 3 things i've learnt in this trip...

1, the sea out there is really blue...
After being confined in this small island for so long, i almost forgot that the sea i always see at the beach is not really green... Kindda reminding you that, if you keep yourself too closed up for too long, you'll tends to lost sight of the bigger picture...

2, there's another world beyond the horizon...
Not everyday your able the see such sight where from all angles around you is nothing but sky and sea for as far as you can see... (i think i put 1 too many 'see' between the 'sea's... oh well...)
No birds, no fishs, not even a tiny shadow of a distance ship...
Almost makes you wonder: How big IS this world... Really...

Last bout not least, there is no total darkness...
Even in the middle of nowhere out in sea, it'll never be pitch black to a point you can't see whats in front of you... Cause even in the darkest of the night, there'll always be even a star to bring you that tiniest light you need to show you the way... In my case, there's a very generous full moon to lift my spirit with a path of moonlight that shimmers cross the gentle waves of the ocean... It almost make the whole trip worth while...

Well, ALMOST... If i wasn't vomiting my lungs out that time...



1st time in 10 months after signing the paper,
i truly regret it...



And so today's update

Spend: 2 on lunch and 1.20 for a candy...
Save: earn 18bucks from spare change from the com i build for my parent...
Wallet: ???
Coins: ??? (okay, i'm lazy... sue me =P)
Current Bank: 20++
Saving Bank: 4000
Saving (2): 880

Moment of truth...

Could jolly well be the poorest period in my life...

WAY overspent this month, too much on food (thanks the to 1week break, constantly went to out to meet my girlfriend and of course feeding her), too much (than what i'm suppose to) on games (pre-order it... hey the games are good okay?)...

Sigh...
Why does all the good games have to come all at the same time?

Oh and for goodness sake STOP giving comments bout how stupid i'm for paying my girlfriends bill...
Yes its a heavy burden but i trying to lighten her load here...
Have any of you guys ever thing bout what you girls are going through whenever you go out on a date? In my case, she's not working it yet and thus still taking allowance from her parents... Having only 250 per month for all her expences including phone bill and transport, you think she can afford going out all so offen and keeping up with the phone bill?
What i'm doing here is so i can lighten her load so she's able to go on a date with more ease...

And hopefully earn the trust of her parent too...



And so today's update

Spend: 25 for a game guidebook, 15 manga, near 100+ on food...
Save: Yeah right...
Wallet: 22
Coins: ???
Current Bank: 20++ (no, not 2k+, TWENTY plus)...
Saving Bank: 4000
Saving (2): 880 (ate into my savings already...)