Its been bout a whole month since the whole thing bout my sleeping condition 1st begin...
Everything seems to go down hill from there on...
The doc says the same thing i read on wikipedia:
Neither the cure nor cause have yet been found...
He gave a good 4 weeks excuse from sailing (till 19th of Dec), hoping by then i would have done visiting the specialist and got a memo/report back... Till then all my activities and status are under: pending...
But what he didn't foresee is that the medic book my appointment exactly one week AFTER my excuse, on the 27th of Dec...
Nevermind that...
Now while i'm not able to sail which render me useless in all operation, the head of department fear the worse would happen and thus keep me outta all ACTUAL duty as well...
In short, no sailing or ACTUAL duty till my status is confirm...
(Note that i say ACTUAL duty... They won't let my pass my test cause of this and keep me "under-study", term they use for people who are learning to do duty, until further notice...)
Not only that, for the past month, everyday, day in day out there will be people questioning bout:
How did this happen, why must you ruin your own career, since when this happen, where got such rubbish, if you are a 'regular' why do this to yourself, everyone will have to urge to fall asleep and what makes you so special, then why/how did you sign on in the first place, if you own you have this condition all along why didn't you report it sooner, don't try to play 'punk' with me, trying to 'chao geng' is it...
If its not one of the above, they'll be most likely saying:
How useless or what a burden i am to the ship, that i'll be posted out, my contract is on the line and i'll need to pay the penalty, that i've learn to fight my inner demons, i'm not making enough effort, i'm running away from the problem and not solving it...
And so on...
But who would have understand that:
This condition is usually diagnose 10 to 20 years after the 1st incident happen, it wasn't my idea to report bout this condition and thus ruin my career, i knew since young that all along i have this
bad habit, but didn't realise its actually so serious cause it have not affect neither my studies nor my past working experience, i have great difficulties fighting it cause i don't know when it actually happen and even if i do fight it, my body can't take it very well and end up fall sick very easily...
With this in mind, i've really lost all motivation to work... Think bout it, no matter how hard work or try, no credit is giving, no help is offer, nothing but piles and piles of complains are launch at me mercilessly...
Frankly speaking, under such less-welcoming situation, i would have request to leave the ship a long time ago...
But i feel that i really owe it my senior...
Here's a little story bout my department:
The department which i'm sent to (against my will), sent me to the basic training as the last "sacrisfy" batch due to (what i know so far): 1, shortage of department and thus open a
last-minute class for the 'leftover' people who couldn't made it to any department... 2, the need to replace the last batch of people of my department in my ship whom have been waiting for their replacement for the last 2 years...
Beening a replacement ain't too bad less the fact that:
- The head of my department or AKA my chief have a rather interesting reputation to keep...
- My Leading senior just got post out due to medical problem...
- And the last member left is the senior which i suppose to replace...
Frankly speaking, the people from my department have been rather kind towards me, especially my seniors...
Thus if i should really leave just like this, it'll be really unfair to them...
Sigh... But who is there to be fair to me?
And so today's update:
Spend: 10 on game accesories, 10 for ship's cap, 30+ on expences with girlfriend, 5 on food, 176.93 bills...
Save: ...
Wallet: ???
Coins: ???
Current Bank: 30++
Saving Bank: 5000
Saving (2): 1007
